Being Alone

I think it was sometime during high school that I considered myself independently minded. I was a self proclaimed feminist and a lover of creativity. I worked hard at keeping myself separate from my friends. I spent a lot of time journaling and taking walks in the woods. But, somewhere in there I wasn't being independent, I was just lonely. Then I went off to college, where my roommate was a social butterfly and introduced me to many of the people I am still in touch with to this very day. I was around friends almost every waking minute during those first few months of school. I didn't want to look back at those lonelier days. I was happy being busy and amongst great people. I can remember all of us just sitting around countless numbers of times, just talking, laughing, wasting the day away.

Now, several years later, I live with my sister. I don't know how to be alone anymore. I practically follow her from room to room. When we are not together, I worry that something is wrong. I can't occupy myself. I have lost some of my creative energy because I haven't utilized that part of my personality. I am ashamed of this fact.

So, when is it enough, when do you know you need to change. I guess now that I have written this, I am facing the facts. Baby steps to regaining my independence. Taking time in each day to be alone with my thoughts and feelings, to create, to meditate, to believe in myself again.